I have come to a very horrible
conclusion about my self this morning. Scary indeed, how things sneak up on us.
My horrible sin. I am now sitting in my chair with my second
round of nebulizers of the day. I feel like I have run one of Joshua’s
Marathon, or maybe ½ marathon, 10K, 5K, ok let’s just admit it I feel like I
ran to the kitchen. I hate a fibber. I would be dead if I ran any of his races.
But imagine how you as a healthy adult would feel if you ran one with out practice.
Now your where I am. Today stated out strange. I woke and looked at the clock
and thought Rodney was late getting up for work as if 3 am isn’t early enough. I
tapped him and said the alarm didn’t go off,” he said go back to sleep it isn’t
time”. Which I heard as; I’m not working. So, when Toby so rudely woke me up at
7 this morning scratch and licking me and all manner of ruckus which isn’t his
normal. I thought he wants me up because
Rodney had already gotten up. NOPE, he was nowhere to be found. I thought of
Brother David’s black out yesterday for a second,(Brother David a really
strange second) then called his phone
and said, “weren’t you were off,” “no” he said, “I told you it wasn’t time to
get up yet”. So, my whole morning is off kilter. I make some coffee and drink
my OJ. And of course, cook supper. Jambalaya with sausage and I’m out of Rotell.
(yeah, if I’m going cook supper, it has
to be that early, my cut off is about 10am and I’m done of the day) So, having
accomplished so much I sat down to drink my coffee and watch a murder mystery. It
was a balmy 61 degrees in the house and Toby and I were snuggled up under the
blanket. But something that was said at
Church yesterday or another Sunday when I watched the Stream kept nagging at my
mind. And I want to think Mrs. Lillian said it and read from the scriptures.
Hebrews
13 Let brotherly love continue2 Be not
forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels
unawares.3 Remember them that are in bonds, as bound
with them; and them which suffer adversity, as being yourselves also in the
body.
So, as I have pondered these
scriptures, I have thought what have I to give. I give my words, and my help and time when
they are needed. And sometimes when they are asked for and sometimes when they’re
not. I try to be obedient to God and what he asked me to do, sometimes that is
very hard to do. But I try. And Anyone who knows me knows I’m not a very semimetal
person over things. I love a beautiful card. And will sit it where I can see it
and enjoy for a time but after a time, I will throw it away. No disrespect
meant to anyone who has ever sent me a card I love them I just don’t keep them.
I’m not sure how I would take it if something came along and took our whole
house away. But I don’t think I would grieve
over it; I’ve been wanting to downsize. There is nothing here I can’t live
without. All of this stuff is just things. And things serve a purpose, but they
aren’t the memory. Your heart holds the memory. My girls hold on to everything, I have never
seen the sense in it, I’m just wired differently. When Kerry started coming to
my home 15 years ago, she called me a minimalist. Because of how I decorate. No
knickknacks cluttering up everything. Since I now have Grandchildren and they are
Grand. I have pictures everywhere. I look at them and they make me smile.
Leslie gave me this great photo frame that has an email address and you can
send pictures to it and rolls though a million pictures every day. I love it. It
really is the only Photo Frame I need. But every one of those pictures can be
replaced. I might be sad if I couldn’t get another Leslie picture frame, but it
would be fleeting. I did have sentimental feeling for one thing one time it was
my Pacifica. It got me back and forth to work. It was the last car that was
mine. It was the last symbol of my independence. So, in my grieving process of losing
my independence the Pacifica is where my anger landed. And I still get angry that
it’s gone. But I know I’m really angry that I have to depend on someone for everything.
And that’s what losing my Pacifica means in my mind the loss of freedom. So, I can cling to things with the best of
you. So, back to thinking of myself as a
non-saver of things. I shocked myself this morning when I went into my closet and
my eyes were opened. I saw all the clothes I could no longer wear. It hasn’t
past my notice that I’ve gained a gazillion pounds. I wish it wasn’t so, but it
is what it is and that’s my life. I’m try without much success to accept being
the size I am. While I stood there, I
felt the presents of God so strong. And
the scripture came to me fast and hard. Why have you kept this stuff when someone
could be using it. They could sell this at the thrift store and feed someone. How
selfish could I be. I went right then and there and got a hand full of garbage
bags. I have heard the way to purge is to say does it bring me joy anymore.
HOGWASH. This is just things, stuff, there is no joy in it. So, my criteria was
could I wear it last year. If the answer was NO. Then I said fool if couldn’t
wear it last year, you aren’t going to wear it this year. GET RID OF IT. So, in the bag things started to go. There
were things I saved for the girls to go through. And what they didn’t want went
into the bags. And then I got to the jeans. There they were, just staring at
me. I know I will never wear a size 14 again in this lifetime. Are these my
Hope jeans, 1 pair in every size because I HOPE to be that size again. Well, I
told myself in less than 2 weeks you’re going to be 60 years old you’re a grandmother
and YOU CAN WEAR STREACHY PANTS AND IT’S NOBODY’S BUSINESS. It was liberating. To say the very least. Someone is getting some
very nice jeans. And they want be back there in that closet taunting me
anymore. And the best thing of all the scripture is not eating at me anymore.
My sin has been forgiven. And a sin it was. I was hoarding clothes. And for no
other reason the vanity that I couldn’t admit. I was going to be this FAT for
the rest of my life. I don’t like being fat. I don’t eat like a fat person. You
would be surprised at how little I do eat. I am Morbidly Obese (that is the politically
correct way to say I’m FAT). I’m just
greatly blessed, so I want get bed sores when I can’t get out of bed. (but they
will have to yell lifting help) So please ponder on this scripture. Let it get
way down in your heart. And see if like me you were overlooking something that
you might need to take care of today. Love ya. Lisa
James 2: 14 What
doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not
works? can faith save him?15 If a brother or
sister be naked, and destitute of daily food,16 And
one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled;
notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body;
what doth it profit?
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