Failed my test

Well I’m kinda ill this morning ( ill mad not ill sick) so since I got the HRCT SCAN that showed the stupid ground glass in the lower lobes of my lungs. And my LFT were so much worse. (Lung Function Test). Could be from the lungs getting weaker, could be Myasthenia Gravis, could be from left over stuff from flu/pneumonia, could be all the smoking I’ve been doing ( oh right I don’t smoke never have) I could have a new autoimmune disease. WHO KNOWS!!!!!!! Wooohoooo so many choices so little time. So I went to the pulmonologist she wanted me to see what the Rheumatologist had to say. So, I see the Rheumatologist and had one of my coughing fits he wanted to call her then and send me to the ER WITH ME SAYING THIS IS MY NORMAL. People please listen to the to the patient. She knows she’s not dying yet. So back to the pulmonologist yesterday before I see the Rheumatologist next Tuesday. She is calling him and they are going to exchange ideas( duh), before I see him next Tuesday. I’ve been having, for quite sometime nebulize my daily maintenance medication, so the meds would get down into my lungs. And nebulizing my rescue meds. About a month a got I decided I couldn’t stand my little bathroom floor being NASTY one more second so I sprayed it with Scrubbing Bubbles. WOW!!!!!! Will that stuff clean and make you cough and cough and cough. My floor has never been that clean in there. She wasn’t happy about the Scrubbing Bubbles. Dr. Carptner was trying to figure out maybe some allergens I might be coming into contact with. Not allergic to a dog. I  Live in the middle of a hay field need to keep my windows, shut don’t need to touch any hay. Don’t need to look at hay. My O2 sat was 92% sitting in the chair. So she decided I needed to do a waking test. Now here is where I get plain old mad. I cry. And I cry some more. I usually can laugh my upset off but this one hit and hit me out of the blue and I just had to cry. The test was easy I was supposed walk up and down the hall for six minutes and see what my O2 sat did. Well I stood up and took a good breath and got a nice 95%. This was going to be no problem. Now there is something people my not know about me. I hate to loose. I hate less than 100 on any test I’ve ever taken. A 98 isn’t perfect it may be an A but it’s not perfect. I don’t hold anyone else to this standard. But oh, do I hold Lisa Freeman’s this exacting standard. In my sewing that’s why I rip so many seems out trying to make it perfect. I know I’m not perfect but I can work hard study hard seek Gods face and be as perfect as any human on earth can be if I put my mind to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, pride goes before the fall. But these are personal standards that I don’t share a lot with other people. But Pride does have its place. So back to the six minute walking test. I’m to walk down the hall to the fire extinguisher and back and forth for six minutes. No big deal. Just straight, flat terrain. So as I make the first trip the stupid thing in my had goes “BEEPPP BEEPP” the girl comes running, I stop. I had looked the monitor said 92. She said what did it say when it was beeping I said I saw  a 90.  She said are you sure you didn’t see an 88%. I said no, and that wasn't  a lie because I didn’t. I might have heard it but I didn’t see it. So I started walking again we had another “false” alarm on the way back down to the fire extinguisher. Then when I turned and started back up the hall the monitor went crazy and wouldn’t turn off.  So the assistant came running and Dr. Carptner came running out of a room and there I stood with this monitor that just wouldn’t be quite.  So it finally came up to 90 and shushed. I said, “Ok, I’ll start again.” They both yelled NO!!!!! At the same time I said why, truly not understanding. Dr. Carptner said “If I let you walk any further you will end up in ICU.” I but y’all didn’t give me a chance to finish I know I can do better, I know I can. She said no, it’s oxygen time for you sweetie go sit and catch your breath we will be with you in a minute. Chelsea knew I was upset. I called Rodney as we were leaving and cried of course he said it would be ok what else was there to say. Except for Chelsea’s bright bubbly mama now your brain may work right. So today as I live in utter humiliation of failing the first test EVER. Finding out my Brain doesn’t work right, and waiting on them to bring what in the future shall be known as the “Stupid Oxygen”. You will know why I’m ill. You know I’m human. And you know Pride is a very dangerous thing.  I know all the good things that will come from this, but I need to wallow in a mud puddle of self pity little bit. Then I’ll be fine. But I still think I could have walked the 6 minutes if she had just let me.

Proverbs 16: 18 Pride goes before destruction,
    a haughty spirit before a fall.
19 Better to be lowly in spirit along with the oppressed
    than to share plunder with the proud.

Stupid Oxygen

So, I am now the proud owner of a Stupid Large Oxygen Compressor. (named R2D2) And million feet of Stupid oxygen tubing. 4 small Stupid Oxygen Bottles that will last 6whole hours, and weighs a thousand pounds, (only if you have Myasthenia Gravis). A lovely Stupid carrying bag that Rodney said I’d knock hole in the walls with (made me cry). Said all that tubing looked like my mess of yarn in the floor (made me cry). He told me when he left this morning, I couldn’t be like James Freeman, I had to wear it even when people weren’t looking (duh, made me cry). I called Doctor office yesterday and told them I wanted a POC (that’s what my dude who set up my O2 told me I needed) that means Stupid Portable Oxygen Compressor. Doctors office said they would call in the prescription, but my insurance probably would not pay for it because they were anywhere from $2500.00 dollars to $5000.00. My dude said I had great insurance and he thought they would pay. So, for now I’m tied to R2D2 or the six-hour bottle in the bag that will knock holes in everyone’s walls. (because I have horrible balance) Makes running to the bathroom after a Lasix very, very interesting. And that 6-hour bottle will only give me out to carry. Stupid Oxygen. My sweet dude hooked the Stupid Oxygen up to my C-Pap. I thought I’d been sleeping well, but I think I slept great last night. And I really could go to sleep right now. Does anyone know if Stupid Oxygen makes you sleepy? My O2 SAT is 97 sitting on 2 liters of Stupid Oxygen it was 90 yesterday so I guess the Stupid stuff is doing its job. But so far Chelsea my mind seems to be the same no great change there so far, keep praying for that miracle. But with everything I’ve already gone though I don’t know exactly why this is the one thing that has broken me. But it has. It’s good I see the psychiatrist Monday she will definitely be upping something... lol... but at least I know she want keep me with the crazies because I have too much Stupid Oxygen Tubing I want be safe back there with all the crazies...so maybe R2D2 isn’t too bad. And RJ is going to love it...pray my insurance will pay for a Stupid POC. That way I want feel so confined. I ask God to take this heart break away. I don’t know where it came from, but I don’t like it. I know “Even If” I have to wear Stupid Oxygen the rest of my Life my God is still God and Jesus is still my savior and this is nothing compared to what Jesus did for me and gave me. Please my sweet Jesus take my tears away, help me to be strong, help my testimony be blessed by you and don’t let this hurt it. Love you my sweet Lord. I would love to be like a Job and God say to Satan have you considered my servant Lisa, but I fall so short every day. But I want to stand strong in the face of this Stupid Oxygen. And say “Even If” like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego. That God is still God no matter what happens down here. Stephen was stoned he didn’t run when the first stone hit, He stood strong. Stupid Oxygen is nothing compared to being stoned. Love you all thank you sincerely for your prayers. I need all I can get. Job 2 New International Version (NIV) 2 On another day the angels[a] came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan also came with them to present himself before him. 2 And the Lord said to Satan, “Where have you come from?” Satan answered the Lord, “From roaming throughout the earth, going back and forth on it.” 3 Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still maintains his integrity, though you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason.” Daniel 3:16-28 King James Version (KJV) 16 Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, answered and said to the king, O Nebuchadnezzar, we are not careful to answer thee in this matter. 17 If it be so, our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace, and he will deliver us out of thine hand, O king. 18 But if not, be it known unto thee, O king, that we will not serve thy gods, nor worship the golden image which thou hast set up. 19 Then was Nebuchadnezzar full of fury, and the form of his visage was changed against Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego: therefore he spake, and commanded that they should heat the furnace one seven times more than it was wont to be heated.
20 And he commanded the most mighty men that were in his army to bind Shadrach, Meshach, and
Abednego, and to cast them into the burning fiery furnace.
21 Then these men were bound in their coats, their hosen, and their hats, and their other garments, and
were cast into the midst of the burning fiery furnace.
22 Therefore because the king's commandment was urgent, and the furnace exceeding hot, the flames of
the fire slew those men that took up Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego.
23 And these three men, Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, fell down bound into the midst of the
burning fiery furnace.
24 Then Nebuchadnezzar the king was astonished, and rose up in haste, and spake, and said unto his
counsellors, Did not we cast three men bound into the midst of the fire? They answered and said unto
the king, True, O king.
25 He answered and said, Lo, I see four men loose, walking in the midst of the fire, and they have no
hurt; and the form of the fourth is like the Son of God.
26 Then Nebuchadnezzar came near to the mouth of the burning fiery furnace, and spake, and said,
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, ye servants of the most high God, come forth, and come hither. Then
Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, came forth of the midst of the fire.
27 And the princes, governors, and captains, and the king's counsellors, being gathered together, saw
these men, upon whose bodies the fire had no power, nor was an hair of their head singed, neither were
their coats changed, nor the smell of fire had passed on them.
28 Then Nebuchadnezzar spake, and said, Blessed be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who
hath sent his angel, and delivered his servants that trusted in him, and have changed the king's word,
and yielded their bodies, that they might not serve nor worship any god, except their own God.