Failed my test

Well I’m kinda ill this morning ( ill mad not ill sick) so since I got the HRCT SCAN that showed the stupid ground glass in the lower lobes of my lungs. And my LFT were so much worse. (Lung Function Test). Could be from the lungs getting weaker, could be Myasthenia Gravis, could be from left over stuff from flu/pneumonia, could be all the smoking I’ve been doing ( oh right I don’t smoke never have) I could have a new autoimmune disease. WHO KNOWS!!!!!!! Wooohoooo so many choices so little time. So I went to the pulmonologist she wanted me to see what the Rheumatologist had to say. So, I see the Rheumatologist and had one of my coughing fits he wanted to call her then and send me to the ER WITH ME SAYING THIS IS MY NORMAL. People please listen to the to the patient. She knows she’s not dying yet. So back to the pulmonologist yesterday before I see the Rheumatologist next Tuesday. She is calling him and they are going to exchange ideas( duh), before I see him next Tuesday. I’ve been having, for quite sometime nebulize my daily maintenance medication, so the meds would get down into my lungs. And nebulizing my rescue meds. About a month a got I decided I couldn’t stand my little bathroom floor being NASTY one more second so I sprayed it with Scrubbing Bubbles. WOW!!!!!! Will that stuff clean and make you cough and cough and cough. My floor has never been that clean in there. She wasn’t happy about the Scrubbing Bubbles. Dr. Carptner was trying to figure out maybe some allergens I might be coming into contact with. Not allergic to a dog. I  Live in the middle of a hay field need to keep my windows, shut don’t need to touch any hay. Don’t need to look at hay. My O2 sat was 92% sitting in the chair. So she decided I needed to do a waking test. Now here is where I get plain old mad. I cry. And I cry some more. I usually can laugh my upset off but this one hit and hit me out of the blue and I just had to cry. The test was easy I was supposed walk up and down the hall for six minutes and see what my O2 sat did. Well I stood up and took a good breath and got a nice 95%. This was going to be no problem. Now there is something people my not know about me. I hate to loose. I hate less than 100 on any test I’ve ever taken. A 98 isn’t perfect it may be an A but it’s not perfect. I don’t hold anyone else to this standard. But oh, do I hold Lisa Freeman’s this exacting standard. In my sewing that’s why I rip so many seems out trying to make it perfect. I know I’m not perfect but I can work hard study hard seek Gods face and be as perfect as any human on earth can be if I put my mind to it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, pride goes before the fall. But these are personal standards that I don’t share a lot with other people. But Pride does have its place. So back to the six minute walking test. I’m to walk down the hall to the fire extinguisher and back and forth for six minutes. No big deal. Just straight, flat terrain. So as I make the first trip the stupid thing in my had goes “BEEPPP BEEPP” the girl comes running, I stop. I had looked the monitor said 92. She said what did it say when it was beeping I said I saw  a 90.  She said are you sure you didn’t see an 88%. I said no, and that wasn't  a lie because I didn’t. I might have heard it but I didn’t see it. So I started walking again we had another “false” alarm on the way back down to the fire extinguisher. Then when I turned and started back up the hall the monitor went crazy and wouldn’t turn off.  So the assistant came running and Dr. Carptner came running out of a room and there I stood with this monitor that just wouldn’t be quite.  So it finally came up to 90 and shushed. I said, “Ok, I’ll start again.” They both yelled NO!!!!! At the same time I said why, truly not understanding. Dr. Carptner said “If I let you walk any further you will end up in ICU.” I but y’all didn’t give me a chance to finish I know I can do better, I know I can. She said no, it’s oxygen time for you sweetie go sit and catch your breath we will be with you in a minute. Chelsea knew I was upset. I called Rodney as we were leaving and cried of course he said it would be ok what else was there to say. Except for Chelsea’s bright bubbly mama now your brain may work right. So today as I live in utter humiliation of failing the first test EVER. Finding out my Brain doesn’t work right, and waiting on them to bring what in the future shall be known as the “Stupid Oxygen”. You will know why I’m ill. You know I’m human. And you know Pride is a very dangerous thing.  I know all the good things that will come from this, but I need to wallow in a mud puddle of self pity little bit. Then I’ll be fine. But I still think I could have walked the 6 minutes if she had just let me.

Proverbs 16: 18 Pride goes before destruction,
    a haughty spirit before a fall.
19 Better to be lowly in spirit along with the oppressed
    than to share plunder with the proud.