Well well well, a mighty deep subject.

Well, well, well, a mighty deep subject I've been told. It seems deep subjects is what I have had time to ponder on lately. This is a look into the mind of a crazy shut in, who hasn't been out of her house this whole month except for doctor appointments and Church the 1st Sunday of the month.(Depression could rear it's ugly head anytime)  So here we go, It will be a flight of idea's, that is a mental health term.( it means crazy thoughts that jump form one thing to the other with no apparent connection).Why did God decide to make the Sun brighter than the Moon. Why is the sky so beautifully blue and the s grass green. Why did he decided to gift us with such beauty in November when the change of the color of the leaves become so gorgeous. And the spring colors are just as beautiful as the fall, it's just amazing. These are great question that we think might ask God about when we get to Heaven, but I think we will be to busy Praising God to even think about it.  Why do each of my children have such different personalities, even though I raised all 4. That's is a nature over nurture question. I think the personality is born with them, but we as parents maybe mold their moral ways. I'm proud of how all 4 of my children conduct them selves in the world. They strive to let God shine in their lives. Did I help with that, I'll have to ask Jesus when I get to heaven. It's something I ponder a lot. Was I and am I a good mother. I'ts a question you will never really know the answer to while on earth.  Why does a company contracts have to come up every 4 to 5 years at holiday time and make you stress over your insurance. Is it maybe to make you either hate all the management or maybe its to make us get down on our knees and have a conversation with God. And to trust that his will is perfect in our lives, and that he will take care of it. A little over $200.00 a week for just my insurance is killing us. Rodney has had to start working 5 days a week after being on 4 for years. And he aint getting any younger. I praise God that he is able to work after his accident. But that 5th day isn't being kind to him. I know God's got this, but I still ponder the why of this because he seem more tired as the days go by.  Why do people hurt other people. Why do people lie, is it just to make them selves look good. Is it just to show us the evil in the world. Why do we use pumpkins at Halloween and carve faces and other cute things in them. It is so fun to watch a child's wonder when you light up a D-duck(that's Donald to every one else) for the first time, in a pumpkin( how weird can we be). but I love it, and so does Joshua, Chelsea, Anna & Shawn. Carving pumpkins is a art to them.Why do we live in houses made of wood and brick and not Tee-pees or mud huts or straw huts, stick huts, hummmmm, interesting thought. I don't think God really cares where we live, as long as he lives in us. Why are horses and donkeys so different. Donkeys can be so loud and stubborn. Is that why so many people use them to describe other people.( YOU A**) Just a thought. Why does the grass in the spring and fall make Bitz feet itch. Why do I have to have a stomach bug when I've looked so forward to leaving my house to go to Church for weeks and weeks and weeks and weeks. Why did this stupid virus cost me a milkshake that I was going to make Grump buy me when he took calves off Sunday afternoon. Why have I missed the whole month of October.(Where did it go) Why is the last day I remember Rodney and I going out to eat being the day on his mama's 2nd cataract surgery when she didn't do as well as she did with the first one. And I stayed with her till Rodney got off work. When he picked me up, we went to CVS to pick up a Billion dollars worth of medicine and we ate at Sonics next door at the picnic table. And before that was the day we had 4 doctors appointments, and before that was June 14th the anniversary of our first date. And on the anniversary eat out the little waitress paid for our meal, because we told her it was the 37th anniversary of our first date, that's so sweet she said. See there are still good people in the world, makes your heart warm.  And why do little people love to squeal. Why do I love to hear them hear them squeal. Why does having a baby sit on you lap make your blood pressure go down. Why is IG so expensive. I'm glad it makes me feel so good. Why can't I get my strength back. The strength just want come and I just want to feel better. But I know this is God's plan for my life. The lack of strength has caused me not to be able to complete the Christmas task I had set for my self. The Children will get half finished Christmas gifts. Maybe the other half for next Christmas. Why when I wanted to pretend I was feeling a little better and was cleaning the bathroom, I turned the big tub on to run CLR thru the jets, and let the water run for over in the tub for about an hour. Yes, there was a lot of water in my carpet. Thanks to Nolan, Shawn and Rodney maybe the floor want rot out. I like living on plywood, we may even get some tile laid around it like we planned.(just as long as it doesn't rot I'm good) Oh me, at the weird things that run thru my mind. I feel trapped sometimes. Sometimes I don't think I ever want to leave the house again. Depression. People it is a horrible disease I feel it closing in on me at times. And at times I think I have defeated it. Well, Well, Well, it is a deep deep hole that you can fall into and never crawl out of by your self. Ponder that for a while. I have done pretty good this year with my depression considering all the things that I've had going on in my life and in the lives of the ones I love. God has the rope you just have to grab hold.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10King James Version (KJV)

9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.

Proverbs 18:10King James Version (KJV)

10 The name of the Lord is a strong tower: the righteous runneth into it, and is safe.

Psalm 46King James Version (KJV)

46 God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

2 Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the midst of the sea;

3 Though the waters thereof roar and be troubled, though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof. Selah.

4 There is a river, the streams whereof shall make glad the city of God, the holy place of the tabernacles of the most High.

5 God is in the midst of her; she shall not be moved: God shall help her, and that right early.

6 The heathen raged, the kingdoms were moved: he uttered his voice, the earth melted.

7 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.

8 Come, behold the works of the Lord, what desolations he hath made in the earth.

9 He maketh wars to cease unto the end of the earth; he breaketh the bow, and cutteth the spear in sunder; he burneth the chariot in the fire.

10 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth.

11 The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah.