Depression and my Unruly Tongue

I saw this on a tee-shirt and it made me laugh. Then it made me say Oh Me. Then it made me sad. Then I started to talk to my sweet Jesus and was asking him to let “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer. Psalms 19:14” I just kept saying it over and over again. And I then Asked to be forgiven for any words that has come out of my mouth that was hurtful to anyone.
I have been fighting a bad deep deep Major Depression since December. Have had Depression most of my life. It’s nothing new. But this is the worst it’s been in a long time. In fact the last time it was this bad I spent 7 days in lock down. (Not a good place, there are crazy people there). We finally have my meds regulated where I’m seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. I have clinical Depression. If you’ve never delt with Depression, hit your knees right now and say Praise God. The chemistry in my brain isn’t correct. Who would have THUNK IT, that I would have something that wasn’t right in my head. It’s no different than some one with diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, cancer or any other serious health condition. It’s something you treat. You don’t ignore it. If you ignore it that’s when really dark bad things can happen. But while your in that dark hole of depression your mouth will run wild. You will say things that are hurtful to the people you love the most. I think you want them to feel as awful as you do. You hurt and you want everyone else to feel your pain. Depression makes your tongue very unruly. That made me think of “James” Chapter 3 in the Holy Bible. Which talks about how unruly the tongue is and how we need to bridle it. So this shirt that I thought was funny became not so funny to me. It convicted me this morning. I apologize to anyone and everyone that I may have hurt with my tongue. And in the future I will try think long and hard before I speak. This is a hard task and I’m sure I will fail many times. But know in my heart I want to “Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O Lord, my strength, and my redeemer. Psalms 19:14

James 3 (NIV)
Taming the Tongue
3 Not many of you should become teachers, my fellow believers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly. 2 We all stumble in many ways. Anyone who is never at fault in what they say is perfect, able to keep their whole body in check.
3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal. 4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go. 5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. 6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind, 8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness. 10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be. 11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring? 12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs? Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water.
Two Kinds of Wisdom
13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom. 14 But if you harbor bitter envy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast about it or deny the truth. 15 Such “wisdom” does not come down from heaven but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace reap a harvest of righteousness.

When I Was Young

 I’ve noticed people on Facebook comparing different  things that date their age.
So this is When I was young. I could have written for days.
I saw the first ever man walk on the moon. JFK was shot and killed. I watch the Impeachment process of a president on TV and he resigned instead of being impeached (Good bye Tricky Dicky, we owe you an apology) My first grade year 1967, was the first year Ashville elementary school was desegregated. So I Didn’t grow up without my African-American friends.(Thanks Alice Tuner for braiding my hair at recess). Nedda and Ellise were 2 of my other dear friends(desegregation was great it was all I knew). Red Skelton show my favorite TV show. The Vietnam war was still raging. They Took the Lords prayer and Bible verses out of public schools. We got our milk delivered by the milkman once or twice a week. We couldn’t wait for that delivery truck to get to the house, because it had other goodies on it too. I Rode my bicycle up and down the roads here in Gallant all the time and never ever thought of a predator. We didn’t have to have a seatbelt or a car seat when I was little we could lay up in the back window of a car if we wanted to. That was pretty cool. My mama or daddy‘s arm was of the seatbelt we needed. I remember 3 places you could go and still have the water drawn up out of the well and we all drank from the same Ladle.  Best coldest water in the world. And I’ve used more than one outhouse and yes one only had a sears catalogue to wipe your bottom with. And I am still alive.( though I was terrified of falling in the hole). I Had the big measles,  the little Measles, and the mumps, and chickenpox. I was vaccinated for small pox. I remember when they came to school when I was in elementary school, lined us up and gave everybody a shot with this strange gun thing and drops under our tongues for polio, the first vaccines I guess. We did not have kindergarten when I was little you learned to read in first grade and you didn’t learn to read good till second grade and there was no multiplications until about fourth grade. We played outside all the time. There were no hand held games and no cell phones. We had a party line that means we shared a phone line with someone else. So you always hoped they weren’t listening in on your conversation. And I never listened to there’s, (at least not for long.) Does anyone else think they’re pushing our kids a little too fast. But what do I know I’m 58 year old women. All these things happened when I was young. But I didn’t have to walk up hill 5 miles each way to school and back in the rain, snow, sleet, or hail like some people. I believe it was a pretty good time to be young.

Run Run Run

Run, Run, Run

Think about being a 4 year old little girl playing T-Ball for the very first time. You hit the ball off the Tee and everyone starts screaming RUN AUBREY, RUN. She runs like the wind. Then we're screaming stop on the base and she comes to an abrupt stop right on top of the base the ball no where near her. She runs like the wind. Then think about a 7 year old boy and a 5 year old boy playing chase in Grammy’s house. I have this great open concept house that has a great “running circle “.(Grammy loves it). Giggles, squeals, big laughs, and sometimes some cries but only at Grammy’s house. Running and squealing when there out side. Running is just fun, if you little it would seem. Then there’s little Rodney James who will be walking any day. He crawls so fast I can't even imagine how fast he will run. Grammy has bought her some in the house walking shoes, praying I might be able to keep up with RJ.  It's nice to have a dream. Run, run, run, that would describe Joshua these days. I’m so proud of him. He has taken back control of his health to the amount any human can. We can't change genetics or God's plan for our lives, but I’m proud he is trying to take care of his health.  He wants to see his daughter as a grown woman, a very nice goal. His running gives him goals and his meditation time with God like no other. He may not know it but he is bringing joy to people in the community.  Many different people have mentioned to me seeing him run and him waving.  And the smiles on their faces always make me smile. The other day I saw a rabbit run from one side of the pasture to the other in about 1 second flat. Now that's running.  All of this running has made me want to run… HA!!!! No really I wish I could run. But my left knee doesn't like to walk,  let alone think about running.  I recently had  new Pulmonary Function Test. It was much, much worse than the last one I had. Restrictive Lung Disease.  Primary cause  “Myasthenia Gravis”? MAYBE, MAYBE NOT. So more test, a High Resolution CT. Just means I laid on my back then on my stomach.  Yeah it sounded much cooler than that. It showed Ground-glass nodules.  One in my right upper lung.  Then Ground-glass airspace disease in the left and right lower lung greater in the right. What in the world is Ground- glass.  I have no clue. So I do the worst thing in the world I Googled it. WRONG, WRONG, WRONG!!! NEVER GOOGLE THINGS, NEVER, EVER NEVER…lol… So I have decided that, I have this because of having the Flu 3 times and pneumonia since the first of December.  I’ve had a bunch of blood work done that I haven’t heard from the doctor about. But I’ve looked at it and guess what I have autoimmune disease.  Lol… you have to laugh instead cry. Now back to running.  I want to run from Myasthenia Gravis, from Thyroid Cancer,(I go in two weeks for ultrasound and blood work, to check on that) IVIG a slight tiny reaction this last treatment, ( left me with a horrible, horrible, headache, worst I’ve had in years), and depression. My body is tired, but my depression is a tiny bit better though. I’m on a new medication and I think it’s helping.  But it guarantees to, make me gain weight, raise my blood pressure,  raise my cholesterol, wow what a great pill. But I am getting my brain chemistry back in balance.  And it seems to be keeping me from wishing I was dead every day, at least right now. So that is good. Maybe I want have to run from it much longer. I really do wish I could run like Joshua does, to help my with my weight( I know I’m fat it's not a secret,  it’s hurtful to my soul but I just can't get a handle on it) and my health.  Just imagine to be able to go out side and take off running to feel the air on your face the sweat running helping to cool your body the burn in your legs as they use your stored energy. To have an app on your phone that says you ran 12 miles you can eat an extra 1600 calories today, Hahahahahahaha.  That would be cool.
They just had a 5K race to raise money of Sarcoidosis. That is what my dear friend Jack, Kerry's husband has and he is on the lung transplant list.  Kerry walked it her goal was 50 minutes. Which I thought was great she made it in 53 minutes because she started talking to someone and she was pleased with her time. I told her 53 minutes was a great time much better than mine. And she said “ You are running the same race as me. Time doesn't count. Souls count.”   WOW, AND OH, SO TRUE.  Do we forget get the most important race we need to be running. Are we running for Jesus. Do we scream his name as we go on our journey.  I’m so guilty of having the poor pitiful me all the time, that I’m not running the important race. The race for Jesus.  The race to tell everyone that he was born to a virgin, he was crucified on a cross for my sins and the sins of the whole world, and the most important joyous part he rose from the grave on the 3rd day. The tomb is empty.  My Jesus is in heaven telling God the Father that I’m his. So let’s run the correct race first. Then these earthly races might just become a tiny bit more tolerable. A race is never easy. Just ask Joshua,  he doesn't race against people he races his 5K's and half Marathons against the clock. You have to train, you have to push your self, you have to go in the freezing cold, in the rain, in the blazing heat. The same goes for our race with and for God he never said it would be easy.  But he did say he would never leave us or forsake us.  The trail were running maybe full of obstacles,  things we have to climb over but God will always give us a hand up and catch us on the way down. I want to run like AUBREY when she’s running to first base. With utter focus and joy. I want my race for Jesus to be that focused and joyful. Love y'all.

Hebrews 12:1-2 King James Version (KJV)
12 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.
Isaiah 40:30-31 30 Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall:
31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount upwith wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

1 Corinthians 9:24-27
24 Do you not know that in a race all the runners run, but only one gets the prize? Run in such a way as to get the prize.
25 Everyone who competes in the games goes into strict training. They do it to get a crown that will not last, but we do it to get a crown that will last forever.
26 Therefore I do not run like someone running aimlessly; I do not fight like a boxer beating the air.
27No, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified for the prize.

2 Timothy 4:7-9
7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the