I am a Hoarder

 

I have come to a very horrible conclusion about my self this morning. Scary indeed, how things sneak up on us.  My horrible sin.  I am now sitting in my chair with my second round of nebulizers of the day. I feel like I have run one of Joshua’s Marathon, or maybe ½ marathon, 10K, 5K, ok let’s just admit it I feel like I ran to the kitchen. I hate a fibber. I would be dead if I ran any of his races. But imagine how you as a healthy adult would feel if you ran one with out practice. Now your where I am. Today stated out strange. I woke and looked at the clock and thought Rodney was late getting up for work as if 3 am isn’t early enough. I tapped him and said the alarm didn’t go off,” he said go back to sleep it isn’t time”. Which I heard as; I’m not working. So, when Toby so rudely woke me up at 7 this morning scratch and licking me and all manner of ruckus which isn’t his normal.  I thought he wants me up because Rodney had already gotten up. NOPE, he was nowhere to be found. I thought of Brother David’s black out yesterday for a second,(Brother David a really strange second)  then called his phone and said, “weren’t you were off,” “no” he said, “I told you it wasn’t time to get up yet”. So, my whole morning is off kilter. I make some coffee and drink my OJ. And of course, cook supper. Jambalaya with sausage and I’m out of Rotell.  (yeah, if I’m going cook supper, it has to be that early, my cut off is about 10am and I’m done of the day) So, having accomplished so much I sat down to drink my coffee and watch a murder mystery. It was a balmy 61 degrees in the house and Toby and I were snuggled up under the blanket.  But something that was said at Church yesterday or another Sunday when I watched the Stream kept nagging at my mind. And I want to think Mrs. Lillian said it and read from the scriptures.

 James 2: ¹⁴ What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? can faith save him?¹⁵ If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food,¹⁶ And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit?

Hebrews 13 Let brotherly love continue² Be not forgetful to entertain strangers: for thereby some have entertained angels unawares.³ Remember them that are in bonds, as bound with them; and them which suffer adversity, as being yourselves also in the body.

So, as I have pondered these scriptures, I have thought what have I to give.  I give my words, and my help and time when they are needed. And sometimes when they are asked for and sometimes when they’re not. I try to be obedient to God and what he asked me to do, sometimes that is very hard to do. But I try. And Anyone who knows me knows I’m not a very semimetal person over things. I love a beautiful card. And will sit it where I can see it and enjoy for a time but after a time, I will throw it away. No disrespect meant to anyone who has ever sent me a card I love them I just don’t keep them. I’m not sure how I would take it if something came along and took our whole house away.  But I don’t think I would grieve over it; I’ve been wanting to downsize. There is nothing here I can’t live without. All of this stuff is just things. And things serve a purpose, but they aren’t the memory. Your heart holds the memory.  My girls hold on to everything, I have never seen the sense in it, I’m just wired differently. When Kerry started coming to my home 15 years ago, she called me a minimalist. Because of how I decorate. No knickknacks cluttering up everything. Since I now have Grandchildren and they are Grand. I have pictures everywhere. I look at them and they make me smile. Leslie gave me this great photo frame that has an email address and you can send pictures to it and rolls though a million pictures every day. I love it. It really is the only Photo Frame I need. But every one of those pictures can be replaced. I might be sad if I couldn’t get another Leslie picture frame, but it would be fleeting. I did have sentimental feeling for one thing one time it was my Pacifica. It got me back and forth to work. It was the last car that was mine. It was the last symbol of my independence. So, in my grieving process of losing my independence the Pacifica is where my anger landed. And I still get angry that it’s gone. But I know I’m really angry that I have to depend on someone for everything. And that’s what losing my Pacifica means in my mind the loss of freedom.  So, I can cling to things with the best of you.  So, back to thinking of myself as a non-saver of things. I shocked myself this morning when I went into my closet and my eyes were opened. I saw all the clothes I could no longer wear. It hasn’t past my notice that I’ve gained a gazillion pounds. I wish it wasn’t so, but it is what it is and that’s my life. I’m try without much success to accept being the size I am.  While I stood there, I felt the presents of God so strong.  And the scripture came to me fast and hard. Why have you kept this stuff when someone could be using it. They could sell this at the thrift store and feed someone. How selfish could I be. I went right then and there and got a hand full of garbage bags. I have heard the way to purge is to say does it bring me joy anymore. HOGWASH. This is just things, stuff, there is no joy in it. So, my criteria was could I wear it last year. If the answer was NO. Then I said fool if couldn’t wear it last year, you aren’t going to wear it this year. GET RID OF IT.  So, in the bag things started to go. There were things I saved for the girls to go through. And what they didn’t want went into the bags. And then I got to the jeans. There they were, just staring at me. I know I will never wear a size 14 again in this lifetime. Are these my Hope jeans, 1 pair in every size because I HOPE to be that size again. Well, I told myself in less than 2 weeks you’re going to be 60 years old you’re a grandmother and YOU CAN WEAR STREACHY PANTS AND IT’S NOBODY’S BUSINESS. It was liberating.  To say the very least. Someone is getting some very nice jeans. And they want be back there in that closet taunting me anymore. And the best thing of all the scripture is not eating at me anymore. My sin has been forgiven. And a sin it was. I was hoarding clothes. And for no other reason the vanity that I couldn’t admit. I was going to be this FAT for the rest of my life. I don’t like being fat. I don’t eat like a fat person. You would be surprised at how little I do eat. I am Morbidly Obese (that is the politically correct way to say I’m FAT).  I’m just greatly blessed, so I want get bed sores when I can’t get out of bed. (but they will have to yell lifting help) So please ponder on this scripture. Let it get way down in your heart. And see if like me you were overlooking something that you might need to take care of today. Love ya. Lisa

James 2: ¹⁴ What doth it profit, my brethren, though a man say he hath faith, and have not works? can faith save him?¹⁵ If a brother or sister be naked, and destitute of daily food,¹⁶ And one of you say unto them, Depart in peace, be ye warmed and filled; notwithstanding ye give them not those things which are needful to the body; what doth it profit?

Listen to the Doves

 I woke up pretty early this morning, neck hurting, shoulder hurting, head hurting. All of my usual morning stuff. Nothing I'm not use to. We all have aches and pains especially as we get older, some are physical and some are mental. I was sitting in the quiet of the day. Praying for this and that. God know all of those things, and I pray his will be DONE and that my heart will be accepting to his will. Anyone who knows me knows I'm a worry wart.  It's  just in this old sinners nature. I try and try not to worry but seem the more I try not to the more I do. And in the stillness of this morning, after the tornadoes and flooding last.  Here I sit with my hot cup of coffee in my warm chair, with my warm little Toby curled up on my lap. I was having a pretty serious discussion with GOD, and the Doves who live in my flower bed started cooing. The sound of a Dove is one of my most favorite sounds. I said thank you God for the Doves this morning. And he reminded me of this scripture. Read the whole chapter the first part is the Lords prayer, but the last part is what touched my heart this morning. Where are my treasures. Why do I worry over things God has promised to take care of for me if I only ask seeking his face and his will. We are abiotic to have our HOLY WEEK. We should take to heart the promises in this scripture. Consider the Lillies, Consider the Doves. God made them so beautiful and he takes care of their every need. Why, let me say that again Why, should I worry over anything. He made man in his own image, would he not take better care of us than even the flowers in the field or the birds in the sky.  So I want to Praise the Lord this morning, for all I have that I don't even need. And for all my needs, that you take care of, that I take for granted. I thank you God for sending your only “Begotten Son that who so ever believe in him would not perish but have everlasting life” John 3:16. When we look a the big picture these things we worry over mean nothing. So take a moment in the quiet of the the day and say Praise God for Jesus Christ our Saviour. And remember next week just what he gave us when Jesus willingly let himself be hung on that cross for my sins and your sins. Love you all this morning. I pray you have a servants heart today and tomorrow and especially on HOLY WEEK and all the weeks after.  Thank you God for send me a Dove this morning to remind me of just how Awesome you are.

Matthew 6:19-34(KJV)

19 Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal:20 But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal:21 For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.22 The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light.23 But if thine eye be evil, thy whole body shall be full of darkness. If therefore the light that is in thee be darkness, how great is that darkness!24 No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon.25 Therefore I say unto you, Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?26 Behold the fowls of the air: for they sow not, neither do they reap, nor gather into barns; yet your heavenly Father feedeth them. Are ye not much better than they?27 Which of you by taking thought can add one cubit unto his stature? 28 And why take ye thought for raiment? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow; they toil not, neither do they spin:29 And yet I say unto you, That even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these.30 Wherefore, if God so clothe the grass of the field, which to day is, and to morrow is cast into the oven, shall he not much more clothe you, O ye of little faith?31 Therefore take no thought, saying, What shall we eat? or, What shall we drink? or, Wherewithal shall we be clothed?32 (For after all these things do the Gentiles seek:) for your heavenly Father knoweth that ye have need of all these things.33 But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.34 Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof.

Guilty Pleasures

 Guilty Pleasures we all have them. I have realized I have a lot. Recently, Since Chelsea has started selling Color Street Nails I’ve had beautiful manicures. Most of the time I’m the only one who see them. But it gives me pleasure to think how pretty they are. And this morning after my walk around the living room I’m having pecan praline coffee with cold stone creamer another guilty pleasure. Listening to Crowder on YouTube first thing this morning. We all have them. Those tiny things that make our days livable. I think God gives us these tiny things as a glimpse into what Heaven might be or maybe not, only God really knows. But I think he gives us these Pleasures to get us through our days. Just like the sound of a dove. I think that is one of the most beautiful sounds in nature. Or watching a hummingbird and trying to see those little wings as they fly there’s so fast it’s just unreal they’re just amazing to watch that’s a pleasure. Toby curled up in my lap or sitting on the back of the couch watching for boogers that might come and get us. He is too funny. Watching a sunrise or a sunset or even a Moon rise that Justin sent me, it’s pretty cool, I’ll have to share it. So this morning while I’m sitting here with my knee iced. Just freezing to death. And everyone who knows me knows cold isn’t my normal temperature , I was pondering how awful my nails look. Chelsea usually does them. I have done them but I use twice as much product as she does and she can get nearly 3 uses out of 1 pack. I can waste 1 whole pack doing them myself. So this morning I thought I’d share my horrible manicure and some of the pretty ones too. Thought y’all could use a good laugh. I’m fixing to start a new crochet project. I haven’t crocheted in a year until I made a blanket for our Churches new sweet baby William

Alden Archer. At least that was the last name I heard. I forgot how much I love crocheting. I was slow with it and intended to put 2 extra rows of blue around the edges and I still can if mama and daddy want it. I haven’t done any hand work since I finished Jackson’s nursery. No crochet, no quilting, no nothing. That evil depression had kinda taken over my life in 2020. And I found no pleasure in anything. Until Chelsea started doing my nails. I’m sure a lot of people have had more depression this last year than normal. Or Have faced it for the first time. For me it’s been a life long battle. So as we still are bombarded by COVID and who knows what else, and still shelter at home, 6 feet apart and a mask.(how can we connect with other people like that, find away, as a COVID surviver I say find away). Remember God is still God and he hasn’t left you. He is right where you left him. Ask him to send you a little spark of something to lighten your day. It might just be a Redheaded granddaughter that climbs doors to the top and says “OH GRASSSMMMMYYYY” and rolls her eyes when you tell her something silly. Or a brown eyed Davis boy who crawls up beside you and is the first one that doesn’t say Grump first. He looks up at you with those liquid brown eyes and says Grandmmamma. Or a stinking cute blue eyed Davis who sneaks behind my chair peeps around and waits for me to say Boo. Then he says Bbb. And laughs and laughs till he doubles over. Guilty Pleasure why yes absolutely they are my best Guilty pleasures. I love when my Freeman boys are here, but I have been sick the last 2 times they visited. But Logan telling about a snake so I can argue with him, makes my day. And oh I just can’t describe my precious sweet Carter who informed me last time he didn’t like one of the pictures I had of him because it looked silly. I said no it doesn’t that is Grammys favorite, he said it is. I said yes see that beautiful smile and that sweet face that’s my Carter Man, and he makes my heart happy. He was satisfied with that and he is my sunshine. Sweetest Baby every. That’s what Rodney and I called him from his first smile till now. We have names for all of them. But Carter’s has stuck with us and when he’s 40 I imagine he will still be the sweetest baby ever.  Joshua calling to chat, Justin sending me up lifting songs, the girls carry me where I need to go, Chelsea doing some light house work for me. Anna watching a movie with me. A husband of 40 years, who take such wonderful care of me, there is no way to describe. When you start counting you guilty Pleasures they kind of turn into your Blessings and then you start trying to count and there is no counting them. We need to Praise God for the Big things he does for us but we can’t forget about those little things. The ones we call guilty pleasures. They are blessing too. They’re there to lighten our burdens. Give us a smile. So today enjoy a guilty pleasure. And know God sent it to you.

The Big C

We all know when we here the BIG C word it turns our insides to mush. Even though we know EVEN IF God choose not to give a miracle it will be OK. Because we get to go to Heaven. But the BIG C is some how just terrifying. The reason this is on my mind is because it’s time for my 6 month check up with Dr. Jindal. My Thyroid doctor. As I’ve said ever since they found that stage 3 cancer on my thyroid my tumor markers have never been zero. A year ago on my ultrasound showed a 7 mm dense nodule. I called it my little pearl. I haven’t worried about it because 6 months ago my tumor markers had dropped to an all time low at 42 IU’s. So I was just be bopping along this time when I went to have the ultrasound and blood work not concerned in the least. Much to my dismay things have really changed. It was an oh moment when I looked up my ultrasound report. Yeah of course I looked at it before I went to the doctor. What do you think those portals are for. It showed 3 nodules and they were 1.9 cm, 1.1cm, 0.6cm . It take 2.5 cm to make an inch. It takes 10mm to make 1 cm. So 3 dense nodules instead of one and cm instead of mm. This concerned me, but I wasn’t going to worry until the tumor markers numbers came back. They weren’t 42 any more they had jumped to 112IU’s which as Dr Jindal said was a significant jump. So I’m being sent for a lovely test where I will be shot up with radiation 3 days in a row and on the 3rd day I’ll have a whole body scan and blood work. We’re looking too see if there is cancer anywhere else in my body and seeing if the 3 “nodules “ are cancer or fibroid tissue. But I really can’t see fibroid tissues causing my tumor markers go up. But you know me I don’t do anything normal. He said I could be looking at another neck surgery and we would know for sure what when I go back to see him July 27. Say a prayer that every thing goes smooth and that we all say EVEN IF.

You Can’t Handle the Truth

This was a memory that showed up today. I don’t know if the Covid-19 is effecting our military, but I would think so. And they are essential, to our freedom and I’m pretty sure they can’t stay 6 feet apart. And our Government needs to put politics aside, and work together. Stop the fighting. Just for a few weeks people, it want kill either political party. Just saying. 

Col. Jessup: ( From the movie "A FEW GOOD MEN")   “You can't handle the truth! Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Who's gonna do it? You? You, Lieutenant Weinberg? I have a greater responsibility than you can possibly fathom. You weep for Santiago and you curse the Marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know, that Santiago's death, while tragic, probably saved lives. And my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives! You don't want the truth, because deep down in places you don't talk about at parties, you want me on that wall. You need me on that wall. We use words like "honor", "code", "loyalty". We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline. I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it! I would rather you just said "thank you", and went on your way. Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand a post. “

In this movie this was the bad guy. I wish we had some leaders of our country that could say these word with the convection that was shown in the movie. I want to say "THANK YOU TO ALL THE MEN AND WOMEN, WHO ARE PROTECTING OUR VERY FREEDOMS, THAT WE TAKE FOR GRANTED. AND I PRAY THAT OUR GOVERNMENT WOULD STOP THE PERSECUTION OUR BELIEF IN JESUS CHRIST AS OUR SAVIOR. The United States of America is a land that needs some healing.

2 Chronicles 7:14 (KJV)
14 If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and will forgive their sin, and will heal their land.

I'm sorry but I just can't see this happening. First off who among us are really truly humble by the direction that our Holy Bible gives us, I'm the first one to say guilty. And then it tells us to pray, I believe that my walk with Jesus should be so close that I don't  have to spend the first 10 minutes of MY pray asking for forgiveness for all the wrong I have done the in the last hour, so that my prayers will get past the ceiling of my home. We have to have that humble heart and every thing between Jesus and I should be right according to our Holy Bible. And seek my face, my oh my, how earnestly do we pray, do we seek his face in our prayers, or do you just pray by habit, and really don't seek a one on one relationship with Jesus. You have to have a personal, up close relationship with Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, to even be close to seeking his face.  Woe and give up our wicked ways, WOW this is a biggy.  First we need to take a personal inventory of our lives and walk with Jesus and admit our wicked ways (this is called asking for forgiveness from our sins, but we have to recognize the sins before we can ask for forgiveness and then turn away from that sin and not pick it back up) and we all have wicked ways according to the Holy Bible.

Isaiah 64:6 (KJV)
6 But we are all as an unclean thing, and all our righteousnesses are as filthy rags; and we all do fade as a leaf; and our iniquities, like the wind, have taken us away.

Then and only then will we hear from heaven, we have to be listening to hear from heaven, we can't pick and choose what we need to hear. It just doesn't work that way. We have to be a humble, to even hear his voice. Sometimes we think what we want is God's will, when really we want God to give in and give us what we think we need. Some times the best answer to one of our prayers is "NO". God's will is perfect for our lives if we will just listen to what he has to say. And will forgive their sins, and will heal their land.  This is a promise from God, if he makes a promise to us he never ever takes it back. In the world I live in now their must not very many of us, Calling his name, Humbling our selves, Praying with a will heart to do what he needs us to do, are we Seeking his face, I don't think so.

Logan’s Thankful

Thankful List
I wonder when I’ve finished a crochet project and you have 2 yards of yarn left why do I keep it. ( it’s garbage it will only tangle the other yarn) But keep it I do.
I wonder why I have enough 6 inch blocks already cut and ready to make a quilt in my stash and they just sit there and sit and sit there and sit there.
I wonder exactly what makes a battery work and why do they die. Couldn’t they put enough of the go juice in them so they would last for ever?( I know the battery people would be out of a job, maybe that’s why)
I wonder why toilet paper never gets put on the roll. (My bad too)
I wonder why the tooth paste get squeezed from the center never from the end.
I wonder at the magic of throw pillows, they make the grandest forts, tents, and cuddlers.
I wonder why I think cinnamon in my coffee is Awesome and other people turn there noes up at it. Yum.
I wonder why I like dark glumy rainy days instead of bright sunshiny days. ( it might be because I can open the shaded)
I wonder how Toby can make such a mess and run like the wind. If he thinks your playing, and you will never catch him. When all you want is a snuggle.
I wonder why snuggling with him is so peaceful to my heart.
I wonder what is the problem with my legs that if I sit for 2 or sleep for 12 and wake rested my legs want hold me up. Just weird.
I wonder why our full speed ahead Aubrey, who laughs the loudest, ah Grammy, sing to the top of her lungs in my bath tub, And howls like a wolf gets, shy when there’s more and 2 people around. She sings like an Angel and that ain’t just because she’s mine. ( praying the shy is just a phase)
I wonder why Anna had to spend 2 nights in the hospital again and miss 3 days of work again. I know it’s God’s plan and we need to just go with it. (But it sure is hard to watch your baby baby be in that much pain)
I don’t have to wonder why Justin took his family to California for a year to live in a RV, I see the joy of this trip on Leslie’s face in every picture.
I don’t wonder why a Joshua runs, I see it on his face too.
I wonder if Rodney is making it good on his first day back to work. He was so excited to be finally going back. ( prayers please for a no re- injury.)
I wonder why IVE GOT TO GO TO UAB for a second opinion. My most hated place to get a diagnosis about my lungs. But I will go because my doctor thinks it’s best for a 2nd opinion.
I wonder why my carpet is softest after it’s been vacuumed.
I wonder what is in RJ’s little mind when is says Whoooodat, whaaadat, is he storing all the information and is just going to start talking and already know everything, there is to know. Whaaatttdat
I wonder what our sweet baby Jackson will look like. Hope he has some fat little cheeks. Shawn’s dark hair and the Freeman blue eyed. But I also love RJ’s brown eyes, so I’ll be happy no matter what he looks like. So really I just pray for a healthy baby boy, and mama.
I know my wondering is silly, God knows all the answers and I shouldn’t put a thought to any of these things. I should just say Praise God from who all Blessings Flow.
I wonder why Children get things so well in a moment when it takes an adult years. I wish everyone could have heard the call from Carter age 5 when he called me and said Grammy I’m saved, Jesus lives in my heart. And the heart break in his little voice when he said Grammy they were really really mean to our Jesus.  And He did that so he could live in my heart. That’s a shouting blessing.
I wondered why Justin and Leslie let Logan have an email address. But now I know. I was to make me feel better. That may not have been what was in their minds, but it has been one of the sweets consequences. I love it. I talk to him many time a day. It is great. Hey Grammy are you up yet, was Thanksgiving morning. We talked about being Thankful.
I wondered what an 8 year Logan would say he was Thankful for on Thanksgiving. I told him make me a list of 10 things you are Thankful for. I sent him 10 Things I was Thankful for, that early Thanksgiving morning. I got his list about bed time here. His mom and dad didn’t know he was making a list.
I wonder sometimes why I have been so blessed. It is nothing I do I’m just a sinner saved by Grace. They were really mean to my Jesus, but he did that for me. Am I worthy NO NEVER, but he did it anyway.
I know this is the 2nd day of December but I want to share Logan’s Thankful list. It made me cry that an 8 year old wrote this. He’s a very special young man. I can say that because he’s mine.

Logan Connor Freeman’s What I’m thankful for list and it came with a selfie. Love my babies.

I’m thankful for 1. My good family 2.for Jesus Christ dying on the cross to take away my sins 3.that we are a free country 4.that I get to travel 5.I have food to eat 6.That I have a house 7.That I have friends 8.that we have money 9.That we can go to church 10.That we have people that protect us

Joy on the Mountaintop vs.Sorrow in the Valley

I've been thinking. Yeah, I know that's a dangerous thing, but sometimes I just can't help myself. It is 3:47 am. I have been chocked full of steroids this week. Monday a big shot of steroids and antibiotics for a sinus infection I have and then steroids with my IVIG treatment. So, I haven't slept much this week. Steroid highs aren't very pleasant, but you do get to feel much better much quicker with the shot and the antibiotic shot. At 2:22 am I thought I'd take Toby for a walk outside. (yeah, I've lost my ever-loving mind). I was afraid I'd lose him, so we went with the collar and leash (yeah Toby was so excited to see those). Toby wasn't a bit impressed with the wet grass or being outside period at 2:22 am. So, our little walk didn't last very long. But, while we were out that minute and a half, I enjoyed the cool fresh air. And thought Justin's birthday was September 19th, so we will start getting some fall like weather before long. I breathed in the cool air of this wonderful Valley I live and Thanked God for letting this be the place he chose to let me live, my whole life. I have been truly Blessed.

I began to think about being Up on the Mountain and Down in the Valley, figuratively. That's how we refer to how our life is going. But I've been thinking about that mountain we climb with God. I think we spend about 10% of our time on top of the Mountain basking in the Joy and Peace of God with no problems, all tears wiped away, all problems solved. I think we spend about 10% of our time Down in the lowest part of the Valley in what we consider utter failure as a Christian, we whine, I don't have enough faith, or I've dug a hole so deep I'll never get out. There's just no way out of this situation. God has left me. Stop Right There!!!!!!!!

Who has left God? Oh yeah, that might be me, let me fall on my knees, let me fall on my face, and get humble and go to the ONLY place where there is help and cry out JESUS. 

Now I guess you're wondering about where that other 80% has gone. Well let's start with Down the Mountain first, where we spend 40% of our time. You're setting on top of the Mountain with Jesus and some tiny little thing comes along, and you think oh I can fix this myself no need to bother Jesus on this one, SLIP, feel the rocks start to crumble under your feet. But hey there's a tree limb to hang on to, you've got this. Then something else comes along like insurance matters, and you tell Jesus I've got this one. I've fought these people before I can do it again. They don't have any tricks that I haven't seen before. But wait a minute, I wasn't this sick last time I fought the insurance companies. BIG SLIP, SLIP. Oh, and I've just counted and have had 11 infections in the last 13 months. So, my body is just getting weaker. Do I call on Jesus, well he's pretty busy I'll talk to him about it in passing? I'm talking to Jesus every day. He knows my heart. So, what if I don't tell him the particulars of what I'm worried about. He knows already. SLIPPPPP, SLIPPPPP.  Workmen's Comp, Sick Husband, Your Children, Your Grandchildren, Your Parents, Your Bills, those crumbling rocks turn into a rockslide and before you know it, you’re in an all-out rockslide. And if you happen to catch something to hold to and it's not Jesus it's going to break away and you will fall on down into that Valley of Despair.

Now we've talked about How we get there. Now let's get out. 40% of our time I do believe it working to climb out of the Valley back Up to the Mountaintop. First, we must realize where we are and what Stupid things, we have done to get ourselves down in the Valley. Most of the time it's a control issue. I want to control my life. God made us this way. It's hard for us to give up our control and say, Jesus THY WILL BE DONE.  I've been wrong, I've sinned against you by thinking I didn't need you in EVERY aspect of my life, I'm tired of wallowing in this pit of mud and yuck of my own making. I know you are there waiting for me to wake up and know you are LORD. Then he will scoop us up and stand us up and hold our hand. But I don't think that he just lifts you back to the top of the mountain either. I think we must work on getting there the other 40%. Because who appreciates something they didn't work for in this life. We must prove we will turn to him for everything. And we will say the deepest desires of our hearts out loud to Jesus. Yes, he already knows, but you among us has had a child that has come to us wanting something but wouldn't say what. I knew it was gummies, but they wouldn't say they wanted a bag of gummies they just wanted something. I always say do you want a can of soup, NO, some tuna, NO, until they say gummies. No different with our Lord, and we better turn around and say Thank You or we might have a little SLIP. 

It would be wonderful to live on the Mountain Top 100% of the time. But we as humans, are so flawed and so imperfect, it just ain't going to happen. To my my goal would be to decrease my time falling and laying down there in that Valley. But that is all on me. I can't put the blame on anyone or anything else. It's just me. Climbing a Mountain is hard, but with the right equipment makes it much easier. If we Carry Jesus with us, The Word of God, We put on the Whole armor of God, and at times Be Still and Know He is God. The Climb to the top will even become an enjoyable task. And make that JOY on Top of the Mountain even Greater. Love, Y'all. Wherever you are on that Mountain, don't forget Jesus is right there with you, just call his name. Wherever you are on that Mountain, don't forget Jesus is right there with you, just call his name. It might just reverse your direction. Ya, never know.