Healthy, Prosperous, and Happy I think Not

I have been incredibly busy since March 6^th.  Doctor appointments have become my middle name. And of all years for me to have decided to make each of my kids and grand babies handmade Christmas gifts.  I can’t wait to share the shark sleep sacks with y’all, that I’ve made for Logan and Carter. I may have a mermaid sleep sack for sale, because I found something sooooooo cute that goes better with the boy’s sharkies, for Aubrey.  So, look for a mermaid tail sleep sack that may be for sale before long. Unless I keep it for myself, lol. And quilt tops for all the others except Justin who is getting the softest blanket I can crochet. I have 3 tops done, 2 skeins of yarn in Justin’ blanket (Oh so soft), and the Grands nearly covered…lol…. I had intended to have all the quilt tops quilted but I may not make it. But I’m trying. But If there is an ice storm somewhere and we don’t have Christmas till March when Justin’s home. I may get-er-done.  And the kids know what their getting this isn’t a big secret. No way I could pull that off, it would have been nice, but I’m trying to keep how they look a secret. I will post them when they get them.

As we have made the Doctor merry go round in the last few weeks. Wednesday, I was confronted with a statement that I completely disagreed with. In fact, I was a little shocked at first and was tongue tied. (Yeah Lisa Freeman with nothing to say, a site to behold). I was talking with one of the office workers at one of the many appointments we had Wednesday. She was sharing how sick her sister was and how depressed she has gotten. We were just having a normal conversation, about such things. And I was sharing about my bouts of depression. Then I said “God would not have allowed me to have Myasthenia Gravis, if he didn’t have a purpose for it in my life. And I truly believe that. The only reason I’m chronically sick maybe to keep me on my knees and humble. Her eyes got big and she all but screamed at me that “God has no part of letting anything bad happen to us, he is a God that wants us Healthy, Prosperous and Happy. He never lets bad things happen.    I was speechless. So in her eyes does that make me and her sister horrible sinners because we aren’t healthy. I saw no sense in what she was saying. I just said well I think God helps us stay humble and in his will how he sees best. (with sickness for me). Now please correct me if I’m wrong and show me the scripture that says he only wants us to be Healthy, Prosperous and Happy.

And I will rethink my whole belief system. We live in a fallen creation. We are all sinners. I’m probably the biggest one. But I have my sin covered by the blood of Jesus.   In Job we are told,  Job 1 ⁶  Now there was a day when the sons of God came to present themselves before the Lord, and Satan came also among them.

⁷ And the Lord said unto Satan, Whence comest thou? Then Satan answered the Lord, and said, From going to and fro in the earth, and from walking up and down in it.

⁸ And the Lord said unto Satan, Hast thou considered my servant Job, that there is none like him in the earth, a perfect and an upright man, one that feareth God, and escheweth evil?

⁹ Then Satan answered the Lord, and said, Doth Job fear God for nought?

¹⁰ Hast not thou made an hedge about him, and about his house, and about all that he hath on every side? thou hast blessed the work of his hands, and his substance is increased in the land.

¹¹ But put forth thine hand now, and touch all that he hath, and he will curse thee to thy face.

¹² And the Lord said unto Satan, Behold, all that he hath is in thy power; only upon himself put not forth thine hand. So Satan went forth from the presence of the Lord.

Seems like a test of faith to me. His health, prosperity, and happiness was forsaken. Everything taken away. Job whined a lot but his faith in God staid true. I whine a lot, but my faith in God stays true.  Then there is Paul, who had a thorn in his flesh. The Bible doesn’t tell us what it was but it was bad enough that Paul ask God 3 times to remove it. God’s answer was “My grace is sufficient and my power is strong when you are weak”. Paul was put in prison, he endured things we probably can’t even dream of but his Faith stayed true. Not a very Healthy, Prosperous or Happy place. But he was content in whatever state he found himself. He had the JOY of Jesus.

2 Corinthians 12: 6 Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, 7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Philippines 4: ¹¹ Not that I speak in respect of want: for I have learned, in whatsoever state I am, therewith to be content.

¹² I know both how to be abased, and I know how to abound: every where and in all things I am instructed both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need.

¹³ I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me

And then we come to Jesus. God’s only son. Did he suffer while on earth? In our earthly eyes, we would defiantly say yes. He didn’t have a home of his own, to lay his head. He was never sure where his next meal was coming from. He bore the ultimate sacrifice. He died on a cross for my sins and yours. He went to the garden to pray that this horrible thing might be taken from him if it was God’s will. If it was God’s will for Jesus to tortured, humiliated, nailed to a cross, die for my sins. And Jesus’s answer was “Forgive them they know what they do”. Then why should I think I’m any better than the Son of God. I’m not worthy to touch the hem of his garment.  Jesus told us in John 16:33 that we would have tribulations.

Matthew 8:20 And Jesus saith unto him, The foxes have holes, and the birds of the air have nests; but the Son of man hath not where to lay his head.

Matthew 26:36-42 (NIV)

³⁶ Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” ³⁷ He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. ³⁸ Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.”

³⁹ Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will.”

⁴⁰ Then he returned to his disciples and found them sleeping. “Couldn’t you men keep watch with me for one hour?” he asked Peter. ⁴¹ “Watch and pray so that you will not fall into temptation. The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.”

⁴² He went away a second time and prayed, “My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done.”

Luke 23:34New International Version (NIV)

³⁴ Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.”^[a] And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.

John 16:33 These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

I hope you don’t see this as gloom and doom. But the truth that as long as we live in a fallen sinful world life ain’t gonna be easy. What is easy, trusting God. Putting our faith in Jesus Christ our Savior. He never promised that I can find that the way would be easy, but he did promise never to leave us. So to state what I wanted to say to the Lady, my sick keeps me on my knees and I pray that it lets God’s light shine though my life and how I handle all the stuff that comes my way. And sometimes I do get depressed. I feel like that’s the devil whispering in my ear. And as for today I choose to find to Joy of Jesus living in my heart.  We are never going to have everything we want but if we have Jesus we have what we need. Love ya Lisa.

New Powerport

Captions log July 21st, 19:30 Zulu Time.This is the 4th day of a 4 day IVIG treatment with new 1 week old Powerport. Went for my check up Monday on new port, Got good report, but still some swelling.(so we know the thing was put in there). Tuesday 10am port accessed with no problem, but the shear fact of the accessing of it caused more swelling.(not good along with boob fat). At this time I should have started icing but I didn't think of it.( Pretty dumb of a nurse I know). Day 2 of IVIG. PORT difficult to stick, took about 6 times for her to finally get in it ( we thought it was in then found out the sneaky thing spit the needle out).  IG infused and I'm pretty sure the last half went into my tissue. Post meds burned like I was one fire but I didn't say anything, didn't want my nurse to feel bad.( I know I should have spoken up).  Day 3,  YAY Kerry's here. My Kerry. My port whisper. The comfort of just hearing her voice. YAY, YAY, YAY. She looked at it thoroughly, touched, mashed and probed and couldn't really fell it.  OH NO!!!! Swelling everywhere. Pooffy swelling. Left over from massive amounts of fluids being dumped into my upper frontal parts.(Yeah, boobs) You know the ones ;)...Kerry felt and felt and felt and about decided there was no port in there. So she finally found where she thought it was and we stuck. That port had disappeared. Had it really been there. Did I dream it being accessed on Tuesday. Did they really put a new one in the last Monday.  I have an incision, but I didn't take care my self, after this one was put in on Monday. I didn't keep my arm still and let it heal. So after more sticks than we care to talk about,(we agreed this will never be spoken of again) we started a hand IV and we got the meds in which was the goal and we met our goal.(and the IV held up)  Now we devised a plan. I iced all day yesterday and all night. Took ibuprofen for inflammation, took 40 mg of Prednisone for inflammation. I took Lasix last night to help get rid of the extra fluid.( Slept in living room recliner so I wouldn't disturb Rodney every time I had to get up to potty)  And I made a paste of cortisone, triple antibiotics, and lidocaine cream, that I reapplied every 4 hours, all night long. At 9:00 am Kerry arrives I put on no upper underwear, laid back in my chair. Yay we could feel the port.(yes it was really there,even though it kept hiding) Kerry hit it the first time.(Hallelujah) I held the  needle in place while Kerry collected the other things we needed. I tasted the saline.( I have never been so glad to taste that nasty stuff).  We were in the saline provide it, then she started pushing meds at first it was great then it started to burn horribly. Oh No, The needle had slipped out. Oh well, I was already swelling again no since going hunting. So we decided to started another peripheral IV for IG. It held up for the whole infusion. So God was good to us. He was good to us while I was having to be stuck all those times, he has a lesson in this for me, pray I learn it the first time. I'm sore, our egos are bruised, we're ordering longer needles for next month. I'm promising my self to take it easy next week so I will heal. Thanks everyone for the prayers. It's been a physically and mentally hard few days.( Made that way because God was dealing with perfectionist, yeah we know we're not perfect, but that don't stop us from trying) But that port hasn't defeted us. It will make us stronger just having to deal with the stupid thing. And at least we know it's really there because I tasted saline, never so glad to taste that nasty stuff...lol....God is so good to us. My goodness this wasn't a catastrophe. I didn't loose my faith in my Lord Jesus Christ,  any loved ones, any friends, any "things". God has blessed me with more than I can ever ever ever Thank him for and for me this wasn't such a bad day. Love you my Kerry.

Knight in Shinning Denim (other wise known as I've fallen and can't get up.)

Tuesday, March 28, 2017

Knight in Shining Denim (otherwise known as I've fallen and can't get up.)

Pajama Day!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!! I haven't called that in a while.
This is a BIG THANK YOU TO A KNIGHT IN SHINING DENIM.
Yesterday, Myasthenia Gravis, Empty nest, Removal of Thyroid, Being put to Sleep with some Neuro Blockers( neuro blockers and myasthenia hate each other), having 3 doctors’ appointments this week and finding out yes mine was Thyroid Cancer, got to go see and oncologist, figure it's a formality.. All came crashing together, don’t leave me now, just getting to the fun stuff. When I got home, I went to change clothes and get comfy as normal. But the big box we keep documents in caught my eye and I thought of a paper I needed out of it. So, I squatted down to look through the papers and fell backwards. OK not so bad. For a NORMAL HUMAN. Not too easy for Lisa Freeman. I tried to pull myself up, I got on my knees. Bad move, new knee hated that move. so, I sat back down. And scooted to the door frame and tried to pull myself up. Couldn't do it (and I tried more times than I can count). I called Rodney he said scoot to the straight back chair in the bedroom, I could get up with it. I laid on my back and started scooting (just easier on my back for me). I called Joshua to see where he was. He, Amy and Aubrey were in Attalla. I said no hurry I would figure it out. I called Chelsea and Shawn they were in Gadsden and I told her it was Ok once I get to the bedroom, I would be able to get up by myself. (OH, Repetitive movement makes Myasthenia worse) So Rodney calls again to see where I am, I've made it to the other closet and nearly in the bathroom. He said call 'JavinandTraci O'Barr I said no way, this was to embarrassing. So, as I scooted getting more tired and more tired, I called my sister at the bank for a visit and kept scooting. Laura and I decided she couldn't leave the bank to come help because then everyone in the bank would want to know where she was going and that would be way, way to embarrassing. So, she stayed with me till I got on the carpet. I couldn't call Anna or Justin they both worked to far away. I told Laura if it was the new carpet in the living room in front of the heater I would just curl up and take a nap, that was all the strength I had left. So, after talking to Rodney yet again I called JavinandTraci O'Barr. Javin the knight in shining denim was here in less than 2 minutes. He helped me sit up. Found my tea and my Mestinon. I took 2 Mestinon and then he helped me up into the chair in the bedroom. I hope I didn't hurt his back. That always worries me, because let's face it I'm not a tiny thing. So, while I was resting for the move to the living room. Joshua and Amy showed up. They said they didn't come because I fell, but I'm sure they cut their plans short. Thank to both of them. When they arrived Javin was able to leave. Joshua and Amy got me to the living room to my chair where I spent the rest of the afternoon. My sister ratted me out to mama. She just can't keep a secret...lol....(that's the funnies thing in the story if you knew my sister). I'm Wooped today, but no worse for wear. Thank you to everyone who talked to me while I was scooting, it took every bit of energy I had to get to the carpet. Thank you SO MUCH JAVIN, you are my knight in shining denim. I'm better today but not great. I will take a while, to get over the anesthesia. I hope your day is better than my yesterday was, love you all.
Proverbs 18:24 - A man [that hath] friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend [that] sticketh closer than a brother.
Ecclesiastes 4:9 Two are better than one; because they have a good reward for their labour. 10 For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow: but woe to him that is alone when he falleth; for he hath not another to help him up.

Myasthenia gravis (MG) is a long-term neuromuscular disease that leads to varying degrees of skeletal muscle weakness. [1] The most commonly affected muscles are those of the eyes, face, and swallowing. It can result in double vision, drooping eyelids, trouble talking, and trouble walking. Onset can be sudden.
By Mayo Clinic Staff
Myasthenia gravis (my-us-THEE-nee-uh GRAY-vis) is characterized by weakness and rapid fatigue of any of the muscles under your voluntary control.
Myasthenia gravis is caused by a breakdown in the normal communication between nerves and muscles.
There is no cure for myasthenia gravis, but treatment can help relieve signs and symptoms, such as weakness of arm or leg muscles, double vision, drooping eyelids, and difficulties with speech, chewing, swallowing and breathing

Through a grandchild's eyes.

Through a grandchild's eyes.

Through a grandchild's eyes.
I'm 55 years old and until late yesterday evening (Friday July 15, 2016) my Mammaw Swink was still alive. She was 102. Not your typical 102. She had been able to live in her own home until this March (2016).  Amazing right. Her mind was sharper than mine, her eyes still danced with laughter and love.  Well what can I say, my Mammaw Swink was perfect. I say this as only a very spoiled grandchild can. My whole life I have lived in Alabama and she has lived in North Carolina. All of my growing up years we went faithfully two times a year and spent about a week each time. We couldn't wait to arrive. There Mammaw would be with a big beautiful smile, hugs and lots of kisses and more kisses. Mammaw's house was always a happy place, a warm place, a place of love. Her house always smelled of baked goods any time of year.   At Christmas it smelled of cloves and peppermint.  A 10oz Cheerwine or Coke was always waiting.  In the summer homemade ice cream. (never really understood the banana ice cream, but it was all always good).  Mammaw would correct us when we misbehaved and pop to the butt was always a choice you could have. Mammaw is the first person I remember to introduce me me to butter pecan ice cream. She would walk by us and pretend to be licking a cone and give a wink. That was code for its ice cream time, and that happened even after I was an adult and I was the one who brought the ice cream. Her eyes were full of fun, laughter and mischief.  But she was straight with you. You didn't ask her option unless you want her dead straight truth. She was a wonderful wife to my Pappaw who died in May of 2000. She was a wonderful loving mother to 7 Children 4 girls and 3 boys. My mama was perfectly in the center. She had 19 rambunctious grandchildren. (Wouldn't some of us or all of us love to be called that now). She showered us Smith babies with so much love when we went that we continued to try to go and take our Children at least once a year all of her life.  My children have taken her loss very hard. I haven't. I don't mean that cold or heartless. Mammaw will be so missed, I can see her rocking in her chair and hear it squeaking as I write this. Her one flaw was her stubborn refusal to get a hear aide...lol...there were just some things she didn't need to hear. I can't sit at my sewing machine without thinking of her working at hers. Pancakes on the griddle. Oh, and she gave me that griddle and I finished wearing it out. How blessed I have been to have gotten to be Janie Alice Sharpe Swink's grandchild for 55 years. I will always be her grandchild but to have known her that long is such a privilege that so few people get. I said I haven't taken her loss hard,I'm sad. But I'm old enough to understand the miracle I have witnessed that was her life. And I know she was saved and ready to meet God with the blood of Jesus applied to her life. So, my heart is glad for her that she has finally gotten to leave this imperfect body and receive her perfect one. I will miss my kisses, but much to my amazement I have become a kisser too...lol..all of you that are part Sharpe's will understand that.  But I know a secret that I just had to share, she was already perfect she was MY MAMMAW.

Home

I wrote this several years ago, it is still how I feel. But many things have changed with my babies this year. I want them all to know how much I love them and they are home to me. I miss y'all so, but am so proud of how you each are living you life. Today I'm thankful for my HOME. Not the house I live in that is just the address where we sleep. HOME to me is what happens inside the walls and the people who are inside the walls with me. Home is the love, laughter, sadness, anger, tears, happiness that is shared with in the wall of a house. I take HOME with me everywhere I go. I feel at home sitting by my sweet, GRUMPY Rodney Freeman. I feel at home when Logan and Carter are building tents in the  a living room, and Aubrey dancing all over my house. The 3 having tea party in the living room.  I feel home while watching Chelsea try to take 3 boxes of no cook pie and make 2 desserts out of them. I feel at home when Joshua calls me every day to see how I feel and what I thought about the TV show of the day. I feel at home when Justin calls and say "whatcyou doing" or is sending me and interesting pic of what ever he's doing, especially when Logan's in it. I feel at home when Anna and I are snuggled up, her on the couch and me and Bitz in my chair watching a movie together. I feel at home when Laura and Nolan have come to play cards and we laugh and laugh at the fact that I can't count. Home is a hug when you feel down. Home is the peace I feel sitting in my chair talking to God. We can have a house but it takes life lived to make a home. I hope everyone who comes to my house feels at home. Home is a comfort word, it is an unbelievable feeling that you have when your at peace with all that is going one around you. I believe that my home Starts with God, then my wonderful Rodney, then my 4 unbelievable children, and now 3 Awesome Grand Babies,  and my 2 wonderful daughter-in-laws and a son-in-law. Welcome to my home anytime. You may find a house in disarray, but MY HOME is always intact. Love each and ever one of my FACEBOOK family you are home to me also. Thank you one and all for being part of my life and helping me have that comfort that acutely comes from God thru you to me when I need it. It gives me that nice HOMEY feeling, knowing you are there. I love my HOME, Thank you God for the HOME you have given me, and I pray that I am not selfish with it that I share it with everyone I come in contact with. Welcome to my HOME.

How many Apples in a Seed

How many "Apples are in a Seed."
About 15-20 years ago I saw this on a church sign. I was stumped. A blonde movement ( or fake blonde moment ) I guess. I thought they've got that backwards. Apples aren't in seeds, seeds are in Apples. So I pondered and pondered. DUHHHH. Then God revealed it to my dense mind. You have to plant a seed, water it, fertilize it, prune it, spray it for infestations. And it grows and grows into a tree, then eventually you get Apples. But you have to keep the process up to get good Apples. So one day I might be the one to plant the seed of Jesus in someone's heart, or it could be your day to do that job. It might be my Job to water the seed, that means come by and reinforce the message through my actions and words and to show Jesus in my life. Or that might fall to you to do that. Fertilizer. Ok the person has let the seed of Jesus take root in there heart. You 100% can't just run off and hope it will grow. Fertilizer is the word of God. Teacher them where to go when they need to grow. That seed has to have Water and Fertilizer. Then as it grows in some ones heart and God starts pruning the bad stuff out of there lives we have to be there with our Bible open to help them understand. What the trials are really about. Then you spray for bugs. Oh me this can be hard. If we let Jesus shine in our lives and don't go with every thing everyone else is doing we can shine the light on infestations. That need to be removed, more pruning. Then the tree is in Bloom and it's beautiful. Those blooms turn in to Apples. Some Apples perfect and good some wither and die, some get rot. More pruning. All the while people are coming thru the persons life to water, fertilize, and help prune the bad out. Then that tree will grow beautiful Apples. Apples that have many many seeds in each one. Let's plant seeds, if the opportunity shows it's self, we should look for that opportunity all the time.  We should help water the seeds that are already planted. Then we should fertilize the seeds that are already planted. And we should always be ready to help when the trees need to be pruned. The pruning can be so hard for a new Christian. But as Christian's this is what Jesus commanded us to do. I will make you fishers of men. So I ask you this morning "How many Apples are there in a Seed".

Standing on the solid rock

Our Sunday School lesson was about a Firm Foundation. This is a print of a painting that hangs over my TV. I look at it all the time. My Daddy and Mama bought it for me. It helps me remember where my foundation is and that is built on Jesus Christ. This morning I'm so glad I had that foundation last night. Now to some this may sound so silly, but to those of you who have a companion pet(dog, cat or what ever). Mine happens to be Bitz my Rat Terrier. She is 9 years old and last month had a really bad liver infection, which in part comes long term use of seizure medication. And was explained to me when we had to put her on it that it would be hard on her liver. So we did all the meds. And she has gotten so much better until last night.  Bitz who was crate trained and slept in her open crate for her first 5-6 years of her life now sleeps in the bed with someone. I know a dog in the bed but it's like, my dog, my house, my bed. Anna would sneak her in the bed with her for a long time. Then it just became the normal. Bitz even tells us when it's time to go to bed. She is so funny. Then on one of the girls trips Rodney (who use to declared he didn't like the dog in the house) got her and put her on the end of our bed so she wouldn't be by her self. I'm just  trying to paint y'all a picture of what this dog means to our house. So last night Anna was working so Bitz started the night on the bed with me and Grump. I thought she would jump down and go with Anna when she came in but last night she didn't. And I'm glad. Before we even fell asleep she snuck up between Grump and me, where she wasn't supposed to be. We all went to sleep. About 11:00pm I woke up with her trembling. On no seizure is coming. So I go and get her an extra seizure pill as I've been told to do and get it down her throat. And she just trembles and I pet her. So around 2am. She goes into full blown Grand Mal seizure and she seized and seized and seized. She would calm a little then seize again. 2 different times between the seizes she stopped breathing. I cried a lot last night. Yeah I know she's a "JUST" a dog, but she's my shadow, my companion, my sanity at times. She has the perfect personality for my family. She loves my grand babies and they love her so much. I prayed for God to give me peace and comfort if it was time for her to die. That peace that can only come from God when your foundation is built on the solid rock of Jesus came over me. I was able to say God your will be done. I will miss her but I can't stand to see her go thru this again. But God spared her this go around. She couldn't walk when I got her up to go potty this morning at 6am. But by the time we were back in the house she was walking and moving slowly. She's asleep in the chair with me now. I feel the comfort of her breathing, the warmth of her body against my leg, I feel her heart beating. I praise God for that solid rock he gave us to stand on every moment of the day. I couldn't make it with out God every day. God is good ever day. Every day with God is good. Think about where your foundation is and how it is that you get through those long hard dark nights. With God your never alone. Build a firm foundation, the storm is coming. Even if it's something you may think is as silly as loosening your dog. Thank you God for your peace and comfort.